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Rhubarb and Apple Crumble

21 Jan

This is probably a rather healthy desert – I mean, it’s pretty much muesli disguised as pudding! (Although, probably anything could disguise itself as pudding if it sprinkled a bit of sugar on itself). With lots of fruit, seeds, and oats, it does provide a chunk of nutrition. And sugar… for energy…? The trick with crumbles is to use lots of apple; they’re nice and sweet, cheap, and bulky, so provide a good base to full out the crumble, and use smaller/more expensive tasty fruits for the flavour.

Rhubarb Crumble


3 Apples
2 branches Rhubarb
3 Plums (or another branch of Rhubarb)
1 Tblsp Sugar
3/4 C Flour
1/4 C Margarine
1/2 C Oats
1/4 C Brown Sugar
2 Tblsp Pumpkin Seeds
2 Tblsp Sunflower Seeds
A pinch of cinnamon


Peel the apples, then slice them up as well as the rhubarb and plums. Chuck them in a pot, sprinkle with the sugar and cover with some water. Bring to the boil, and let it do so until the rhubarb is nice and soft.

While you’re waiting for the fruit, in a food processor (or with your fingers) blend together the flour and marg to form crumbs. Then blend in the oats, brown sugar,  seeds, and cinnamon.

Drain the fruit, layer onto a dish, then sprinkle the crumbs on top. Bake at 200ºC until it starts to brown on top.

  *Authors note: If I wasn’t writing this for Tahini Sauce, which claims to be “low in sugar, low in fat”, I would probably also grate some chocolate onto the fruit before putting the crumbs on, and mix in some maple syrup.

A Berry (and Apple) Delicious Cake

2 May

I wanted Cake. I think Jess wanted cake too. So I made up a recipe, straight out of the blue, with only a vague idea of where it would be headed. Turns out I’m a GENIUS – the cake was AMAZING.


150g margarine
1/2 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons golden syrup
1/2 cup raspberries
3/4 cup of water
2 apples, sliced


Soften the margarine, then beat in the sugar and finally the vanilla essence. Sift in the flour and baking powder. Add the golden syrup, raspberries and water and mix to form the cake batter. Taste some (for science).

Line a cake tin with some baking paper, and then layer the base with one of the sliced apples. Pour the batter over the apples (have another taste). Use the second apple to add a top layer of apples on the batter.

Bake at 180°C for 1 hour, or until an inserted knife comes out clean.

You probably want to add some caramel sauce to this (we still haven’t told you how to make it, have we?), or some other sugary drizzly thing.

Sticky Date Pudding

25 Apr

Did you know, that sticky date pudding dates back to a time… a time when Jess sat upon the couch in the lounge, and pondered out-loud about sticky date pudding. But “alas!” She cried, “our dates are too firm to make sticky date pudding!”

Having absolutely no idea how to make sticky date pudding, I kindly corrected her, and set out to prove her wrong. It turns out, our firm dates are fine!

I guess the moral of this story, is that those lacking in faith should not proceed. You must have a strong will, a determination to succeed, in the face of imperfect ingredients. If you have what it takes, scroll down. But be warned, even after successfully baking this slice of heaven, your will shall be tested – You must not consume them all in one go!

I just looked at that pic as it uploaded, and I’ll be back in a minute – gotta go eat another!


250g pitted dates
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 & 1/2 cups boiling water
125g margarine
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
2 tablespoons golden syrup
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder


Chop the dates up, then place them in a bowl with the baking soda, and add the boiling water. Leave to sit for about 15 minutes. (I have a hunch this is what made our dates soft enough).

Soften the margarine, beat in the sugar, then beat in the vanilla essence and golden syrup. Add this to the date/water mixture. Then sift in the flour and baking powder. Mix all these to make a delicious, delicious batter.

Now, you have a choice, to make one large or several small cakes. I prefer small ones myself, there’s just something about having a whole desert (or 2) to yourself. So either pour the mixture into muffin trays, or into a single large tin. Chuck them in the oven at 180°C ~15 minutes for small ones ~45 minutes for a large one. Like most cakes, if they spring back up after poking them, they’re done.

While they’re still warm, drizzle them in caramel sauce and custard. Eat.

Unfortunately, I can’t disclose the specific recipe for caramel sauce here; but it’s roughly margarine, golden syrup, sugar with a dash of soy milk, blended and heated in quantities until it becomes saucy.

To make custard simply follow the ingredients on the package; 2 tablespoons custard powder, 1 tablespoon sugar, 2 cups soy milk, blended, heated and beaten in a pot until thick.

Chocolate Self-saucing Pudding

20 Apr

When I was a teenager I would go to my cousin’s place each weekend for a girl’s night and we’d make pudding. We’d eat pudding instead of dinner then wake up and eat delicious pudding again for breakfast. These isn’t healthy or low in sugar and as such is categorised under Evil Food – Look away! But I must share it, for I’d be remiss if I didn’t give this to the world.

Actually, I have more such recipes. Do you want me to share my unhealthy recipes as well as healthy stuff? Let me know in the comments.

This is my version of the Edmond’s Cookbook pudding, and one of those things I’ve simply done without for the last seven years since becoming vegan.

When you bake it, it will look black. It’s not burned. That’s the deliciousness. To reassure you I’ve put a picture of the baked result so you don’t freak out and toss the lot without realising it was actually baked to perfection. I would serve this up to loved-ones or impress people with this at a party.

It takes me about 5 minutes to get this in the oven.

By the way, the cake recipe is also a generic recipe I often use for ultra-quick cupcakes and cakes. You can just bake it as is, it’s quick, cheap and easy.



1 & 1/2 cups flour
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup water


1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon cornflour
1/4 cup cocoa
2 cups boiling water (yes, you do want that much) 


Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.

Prepare cake batter first. Mix dry cake ingredients. Add in wet cake ingredients. Stir until smooth. Oil a deep dish and pour the cake batter in.

Then in a separate bowl mix the dry sauce ingredients and sprinkle this evenly over the cake batter. Using the back of a spoon gently drizzle the 2 cups of boiling water over the sauce mix. It will look weird and watery. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes.

Check regularly and push a knife in to see if it’s done. It will be sticky, it’s pudding, but you should be able to taste it and tell the difference between uncooked and cooked cake batter. It should look black and has a somewhat “burned” appearance, though it’s not. The ideal texture should be like chunks of cake with pockets of sauce randomly distributed through. It’s spectacular. Serve steaming and hot with vanilla soy icecream.

Evil Biscuits; Afghan Biscuits

13 Apr

I straight-out ripped these off from The Edmonds Cook Book.

But I have to share them, ’cause they are so yum.

They do not qualify as healthy or sugar-free or anything like that so will be categorised under Evil Food – Look Away!

And you should look away if you don’t want to eat sugar.

These are a traditional food of my people.



200g Olivani or margarine
1/2 cup sugar
1 & 1/4 cups plain flour
1/4 cup cocoa
2 cups cornflakes
1 teaspoon vanilla essence


1 cup icing sugar
2 tablespoons Olivani or margarine
1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence
1/4 cup cocoa
Boiling water
Whole walnuts (optional)


Blend all biscuit ingredients except cornflakes in blender (or by hand) and transfer dough to a bowl. Smoosh in cornflakes by hand. Roll balls of mixture onto a greased oven tray and press down with a fork. Bake at 200°C for 10-15 minutes or until lightly brown and firm to the touch.

While biscuits cool make icing. Put icing sugar into a bowl and create a well in the centre. Add Olivani and vanilla in the centre of the well. Add small amounts of boiling water and keep stirring until icing reaches the desired consistency. Ice biscuits whilst slightly warm.

Eat every single one immediately and collapse into a dangerous food coma. Just before you slip out of consciousness remember that you forgot to add the walnuts like the traditional ones. Console yourself by remembering that you prefer them without the walnuts, or make another batch and press a walnut onto the top of each.